I used to think that wanting equality meant wanting to win, like the whole point was to finally get on top and prove that I was just as smart, just as capable, just as worthy of respect as anyone else.

And honestly, part of me wanted to hold the kind of power that had always been held over me. Which, when I say it out loud, makes complete sense. That’s a pretty human response to feeling like you’ve been on the losing end of something for a long time.

As I looked deeper, I realized that winning wasn’t really what I was searching for. There was something more subtle, something that took me a while to put my finger on. It’s the feeling of being true to myself, of belonging to my own life. It’s not about being better than others, or trying to outdo them, or constantly seeking validation. It’s about embracing the simple, yet powerful idea that I have the freedom to think my own thoughts, make my own decisions, and listen to my own inner voice, without needing someone else’s approval or permission. It’s a quiet, almost radical notion, that I am my own person, with my own unique perspective and experiences, and that I get to live my life on my own terms.

It’s funny, when I finally found the words to describe it, it was really eye-opening. I realized that what I had been searching for all along wasn’t about getting the upper hand or winning some kind of battle. It was just about being free, you know? The kind of freedom that’s quiet and strong, where you can just be yourself without needing anyone else’s approval. It’s like, you can just exist, fully and unapologetically, without having to worry about what others think. And that’s a pretty amazing feeling.

That’s what I actually wanted all along, and it took longer than I’d like to admit to figure that out.