I used to hand people the pen and let them write the story of my worth. A careless comment, a dismissive look, a moment of cruelty—I’d carry it for years like it was evidence of something true about me. But feeling inferior isn’t just done to you. Somewhere inside, you have to agree to it. You have to accept the verdict.

You have the power to decide how you feel about yourself. If someone says something mean or tries to bring you down, it’s up to you to choose whether or not you let it affect you. Their words can only hurt your self-worth if you believe they’re true. It’s like, if someone tells you that you’re not good enough, but you know that’s not true, then their opinion doesn’t matter. You get to decide what you think about yourself, and that’s what really counts. Other people can say whatever they want, but it’s your own inner voice that matters. If you don’t give their negative words any power, they won’t be able to hurt you. It’s all about how you see yourself, and that’s something that no one else can control.

When I finally saw that, I realized I had been quietly cosigning other people’s opinions of me my entire life. That doesn’t mean the hurt isn’t real. It just means I get a say. And I’m still learning how to use it.